A few years ago, I found myself in a vast marble meditation hall on the east coast of India. No pillars. No distractions. Just thousands of people sitting together in silence. It was called the Hall of Awakening. The kind of place that’s designed to make you feel something,whether you’re ready for it or not. And honestly? I wasn’t ready.
Not Exactly “Spiritual Bliss”
I’d travelled all that way in search of something deeper. A teacher. A shift. Maybe even a breakthrough. But what I actually found, at least at first, was discomfort.
I didn’t like the heat. I didn’t like the food. I didn’t like sharing rooms with strangers. I felt out of place, disconnected, and if I’m being completely honest… a bit grumpy. Not exactly the enlightened version of myself I thought I’d be. And yet, something kept pulling me back. Year after year, despite the resistance, the doubts, and the voice in my head saying, “What are you doing?”
The Unexpected Lesson
What I didn’t realise at the time was that this experience, this tension between resistance and something deeper, was teaching me one of the most important lessons of my life. Not about spirituality. But about presence.About energy. About what it really means to own the room.
Owning the Room Isn’t Performance
We often think owning the room means being confident, polished, impressive.The best speaker. The most charismatic person. The one with all the answers.
But standing in that vast hall, and later, standing in front of rooms filled with people, I learned something very different. Owning the room isn’t about performing. It’s about allowing.
When I Stopped Trying to Be “Good”
Back in the UK, I began leading group sessions, first through Reiki, then through Oneness meditation. At times, I’d be in front of dozens, sometimes hundreds, of people. And at the beginning, I approached it the way many of us do:
Say the right thing.Do it properly. Be good.
But something felt off. It wasn’t until I let go of trying to get it right that everything shifted. Instead of pushing, I started trusting. Instead of performing, I started listening. Instead of leading from my head, I led from something deeper.And that’s when the room changed.
People opened up. They cried.They shared things they’d never said out loud before.
They connected, with themselves and with each other. And I realised something that has stayed with me ever since:
People don’t respond to perfection.
They respond to presence.
Bringing That Into the Tech World
At the same time, I was building my career in the digital and tech sector. Two very different worlds, on the surface. But when I started running events for women in tech in Brighton, everything clicked.
We grew from small gatherings to 50 women, to 150, to 300 in a room.
Many of the women I invited to speak had never spoken publicly before. They didn’t see themselves as “confident speakers.” They didn’t think they had a story worth telling. But I knew they did.
Helping Others Own the Room
My role wasn’t to turn them into performers. It was to help them:
- Find the thread of their real story
- Speak from experience, not expectation
- Let go of needing to impress
We’d work together to shape their talks, not into something perfect, but into something true. And when they stepped onto that stage? Something incredible happened. They owned the room. Not because they were the loudest. Not because they were the most polished. But because they were real.
From a marble temple in India,to workshops across Europe, to stages filled with women in tech. The lesson has been the same. Owning the room isn’t about you being at the centre of attention. It’s about the space you create for others to feel something. To feel safe. To feel seen. To feel inspired.
What Owning the Room Really Means
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: You don’t own the room by controlling it. You own the room by connecting with it.By:
- Trusting your voice, even when it shakes
- Letting go of the need to be perfect
- Speaking from lived experience
- Allowing something bigger than your ego to lead
Because, as Maya Angelou said:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”
When I look back at my journey, from overcoming depression in my early twenties, to travelling the world, to building communities and helping others find their voice,I can see a clear thread. It was never about becoming the most impressive version of myself. It was about becoming the most authentic. And that’s what allows you to truly own the room.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not confident enough to speak” or “I don’t have a story worth sharing” – you do. And the room doesn’t need a perfect version of you. It just needs the real one.
If you’d like to know more about coaching for speaking, or would like a sounding board for your ideas, get in touch and book a FREE call now.
I can’t wait to hear from you
Love Rifa x
